autobiography no.2 - russell brand

Piers Morgan
'This book is like its subject - hot, raunchy, revelatory and irresistible.'

The Daily Star
"an explosive book"



here's russel brand. part of a new generation of comedians who seem to be multi-sexual. im not sure what their sexual preferences are and i dont really care. i think trendo-sexual is a good word. its kinda trendy nowadays to be sleeping with men, women, transexuals, asexuals - just about anything with 2, 3 or 4 or 1 leg(s). or at least pretend you are.



anyway on to the book - hot and raunchy. wow. that makes me want to read it. my dog gets hot and raunchy whenever it meets the nextdoor neighbour dog. i dont want to read a fuckin book about it. since when is a book thats "hot and raunchy" interesting? guess its part of the dumbing down craze.



"revelatory" - what is it going to reveal exactly? let me guess. he had a hard upbringing. he had it tough. made it the hard way. what else? all the people and things hes slept with. my curiosity is killing me.



i decided to check some reviews of the book on amazon from some people who actually decided to buy it. "I laughed out loud at some of the stuff he used to get up - like walking round the streets shouting 'I am telly!'" damn. i am telly. thats about as funny as falling down the niagra falls. what a witty guy. "I also almost cried when I read about his childhood and came away feeling I understood him" the obligatory hard luck story. is there any celebrity out there who hasnt had it tough?



rating - 3/10. the book looks shite but in fairness to the guy i saw him doing stand-up on tv and he had an idea of sending rose west and peter sutcliffe to iraq to clean it up. it made me laugh. so ill give him some marks for that. but his life sounds as interesting as getting malaria.

bear necessities

bear grylls

a true survivor. in one day the man climbed up a 500 feet 180 degrees cliff, swam across the nile, jumped from tree to tree in a 200 mile forest, got chased by a tiger, swam with crocodiles, and got eaten by a whale and digested out through the other end. all with the help of a pen-knife and a camera crew. perhaps his biggest feat though was getting by the channel 4 insurance people.

you have to wonder when he's stuck in some forest somewhere at night eating ants, and the crew are having their bacon butties, does he not feel like having at least a little nibble on some of those tasty sandwiches. and it must get especially hard for him when the tv crew break open a six pack of coors light and he's drinking from the amazon.

the idea of a television programme about someone surviving on their own in some vast wilderness is what could be called an oxymoron.

autobiography #1 - jack osbourne

im starting a series of reviews of a few autobiographys that we, the public are so privileged to be able to read. not that im going to actually read one of them. but anyway...


#1 jack osbourne - 21 years gone






















"'The revealing book lifts the lid on Ozzy's son's unconventional childhood and his recovery from addiction."


so here we have a spoilt git who sits around playing computer games all day. his dad gives him a pile of money and he goes out and blows it on drugs and partys etc. does a little bit too much drugs. mother sends him to an expensive rehab place. where he recuperates by....playing computer games. now he's clean. he beat it. beat his inner demons. we all have so much to learn from jack - make sure you're born to rich parents and you can party all day and then write a book about it and make a few million squid.

rating - 2/10. 2 marks for being ozzy osbourne's son. doesnt give you a right to write a book about it but you have to by default get some marks for it.

if you bought this book kick yourself hard in the nuts. To rectify your mistake go out and buy the "Paranoid" album by black sabbath.

meanwhile here is some ozzy magic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNppqUotW94